As I celebrated my quarter century birthday this past week, I couldn’t get this song out of my head. A birthday is a celebration of life. Over the past 9 months, I have discovered how precious life truly is. It is the fleeting moment we have on earth before we spend our eternity in heaven or hell. Days, months, and years may seem long, but compared to eternity they are a simple breath.
I KNOW I am blessed. From my silly cat to living another day is a blessing. I have gained more friends this year than all of my life added together. I have received incredible healthcare from medical personnel I owe my life to. I have seen exponential spiritual growth in people I have been praying for daily for many years. I have experienced more love than I can express. My marriage has a lasting foundation built by love, patience, and our Savior. I am currently cancer free. I have hair…EVERYWHERE! I have a church home. I have newfound empathy and connections with patients in the hospital. I have a job that I enjoy. I am alive to celebrate my 25th birthday.
When I speak to people about my cancer journey thus far, I am flooded with emotions. I range from shock that I endured treatments, sadness for friends that lost their battle, joy for where I am now, to absolute peace knowing that God has my life in the palm of His perfect hand. The many facets of my journey allowed me to relate to Big Daddy Weave’s song and “If I told you my story,” I hope you would hear the following lines:
You would hear Hope that wouldn't let go
And if I told you my story
You would hear Love that never gave up
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life, but it wasn't mine
If I should speak then let it be
Of the grace that is greater than all my sin
Of when justice was served and where mercy wins
Of the kindness of Jesus that draws me in
Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him
If I told you my story
You would hear victory over the enemy
And if I told you my story
You would hear freedom that was won for me
And if I told you my story
You would hear Life overcome the grave
There isn’t a magic medicine, doctor, therapy, chant, food, or charm that can guarantee the survival of cancer. Cancer doesn’t listen to anything or anyone except for One. When I lost my friend to cancer 2 months ago and then another 1 month ago, I finally asked the question that most people immediately ask upon diagnosis, “Why ME?” Why did I find the lump early enough? Why did God ordain that I should be given the diagnosis that was curable and that I would live? Why did we get married only 6 months prior, forcing Vic to step away from the glamour of being a newlywed and care for his new wife not knowing the outcome? Why did 2 mothers die, leaving their children, while Vic and I had not begun our family yet? Why did I get to celebrate my 25th birthday?
I have cried more the last 2 months from the loss of 2 precious souls than I ever did after my initial diagnosis. I don’t think I will ever understand the “why?” I have spent countless moments just lying in my husband’s arms soaking in every moment we have together. I am more thankful now for the most simplest blessings in my life and truly realize what my story means. My story means I am given another day, another word, another action to bring glory to God and hope to others.
This is my story, this is my song
Praising my savior all the day long
-Rachel Calhoun